


Tachibana-sensei

by chuuyaks



Category: Free!
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Denial of Feelings, I keep saying this is light angst but is it really, Light Angst, M/M, Reunions, Teacher Tachibana Makoto, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, age gap, kind of inspired by Doukyuusei, makoharu - Freeform, rinharu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:56:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuuyaks/pseuds/chuuyaks
Summary: 'I wish you happiness.'Those were his words the moment he saw him finding his own true love. He thought he always had a chance, but it was entirely impossible—he was just a lonely teacher and he was just a student new of the wonders of love. As years passed by, he slowly began to accept his fate with the tiny hope of finding someone that he'll share happiness with, but destiny felt unsatisfied and wants to play a game—making them meet again, not as student and teacher, but as people who shouldn't have met in the first place.





	1. as i wished

What does one feel whenever they see the cherry blossoms fall and fly with the wind?

Do they feel warmth in such beautiful loneliness or do they ever fall in love with someone they find under it?

Makoto doesn't know a thing about that kind of idealised romance nor feels something about it. All he knows is that he seems to find it alluring to fall in such beguiling fantasy, but that that would never happen in a world of such harsh reality. Jarring as it sounds, he knew it was true—from the fact that he finally realised his own sexuality suggests that love isn't such a pleasant experience for everybody.

At such young age he came to find that his attraction weren't towards girls, but were heading towards boys like him. Thus to his own decision, he decided to sacrifice and hide his true self inside a closet deep in his heart, knowing that he have to protect it on his own. And that, he was his own idealised person now—a smiling, friendly teacher whom everyone calls as "Tachibana- _sensei_ ".

But about that idealistic scenario of love, he happened to find himself falling for it.

Oh, the irony.

Under the sakura falling down with the noiseless wind with no destination, his eyes landed on a stranger of a boy with pitch-black hair and bright blue eyes that speak wordless tranquility. This surprising and strange phenomenon of his life happened on the time he attended the entrance ceremony of the new school he started working for, with him not new to this kind of environment. 

With everyone walking inside the gymnasium, he happened to find himself standing as he realise that the flowers that once bloomed were now starting to fall, making him spellbound of the beauty of it happening in front of him. But on what he thought was such a normal day for a teacher like him, he felt moved by a stranger—a student whose name he didn't know was walking inside; such beauty of his face caught his attention too much that his eyes followed him everywhere until he reached to his seat. He was beautiful as the petals of the blossoms that took shelter on his soft-looking hair, making Makoto feel tempted to go near him to help him remove it but alas, who is he to take care of such boy when there are people beside him?

And that moment later on, he realised he had been spellbound with such bewitching beauty.

The mystery student's name was Nanase Haruka, a fourth-year student who happens to be in the class he was teaching. A model student, he thought—he was right about him being silent as he couldn't find a chance to see him move his lips, but when he did, he couldn't hear a sound out from it. Trying as he might, he ignored thinking or merely facing the class just to keep himself from looking at the oblivious student but it was his own failure afterwards—the same boy that was messing his dreams was trying to get a chance to talk to him.

' _Sensei._ ' Their first conversation happened on the art studio he has been staying at. It was owned by the school and it wasn't the subject he even teaches, but he has a hobby of drawing things—he got even more glad that he received permission to stay. That was the first time he heard the voice that his ears were begging to hear; deep inside he somehow could not manage to keep his composure but he tries on his best on keeping himself straight and sleek as he attempts to act professionally in front of him. But his voice—he thought, was different from what he always expected. 'Ah, yes?'

'You're teaching English right?' His eyes sparkled as he stood in front of him, making him want to get out and hide the canvas in front of him. The sparkles in his eyes were making him too conscious—it was awakening him to an inspiration that scares him the most, but he all thinks that he lacks inspiration and it was just a one second desperate attempt. He chuckled. 'I do. You're Nanase, right?'

'Why are you here drawing, Tachibana- _sensei_?' The look on Haru's face was merely pure curiosity and Makoto could not help but to smile at it. 'Nothing, I don't even know what to do... anyway, why are you here skipping class?'

'Every class is boring.'

'So does that mean mine is boring too?'

'Yeah.' Makoto was left speechless—even though it was just a joke, the student's unwavering expression was confirming that he was serious. But of all jokes aside, he thought it was nice to have him as a distraction. 'So, what brings you here?'

'I thought this was the only empty room.' He reasoned out, moving his chair closer to the teacher. Makoto's eyes followed where his eyes went, still look at the unfinished sketch that was incomprehensible to see. 'So what is it that you're drawing,  _Sensei_?'

'I told you before, it's nothing.' Ignoring the student beside him, he continued gazing at the sketch, still unsure in what image it will come into. 'You've been asking too much questions already—what is it that you want?'

'Can...you teach me on those?'

Such words shook his heart—he was like a romantic fool after all. Seeing the eager look on his face, he could not help but to feel excited, making him smile while ruffling the poor student's hair with the jolly  _I will!_ coming out from his mouth, heedless of the consequences of his actions.

The days started to fly as far as he can remember, and with the unexpected blooming of such friendly relationship he had with the student. Before, when he ever had the free time, he will often find himself entering the empty art room to draw, but now, he will often find the student inside first with the insignificant reason boring classes. In between those secret meetings, he could not help himself but to be drawn closer and closer to him, with those uncertain feelings of his heart that was giving him butterflies on his stomach. 

Embarrassing as it sounds, he grew to fancy the boy beside him.

But like a fool, he kept hoping for more. Greed as it sounds, there happened to be a mistake that tormented the teacher but never the student. Hoping—he wanted to draw himself closer to the student and make him pay for the feelings that he has for him. Such closer intentions was making his heartbeat faster—just a little more, just a little more...

It was a mistake.

A teacher should not fall for a mere student, right?

Realising how far his actions have gone, he felt fear and shame creeping out on his skin and sending shivers to his spine to remember what he's trying to do. Seeing the reality, he wanted to hide himself and disappear but such smile; such laughter—where will he get to find something as it?

Setting aside those ugly feelings, he continued to stay with him. Being with Haru as a teacher made him happy, the closer they got—the more he knew about him. Knowing how pure he is a kid made him feel like what he feels was all wrong, and his chest feels tight knowing that, but he has to. After all, he's nothing but his English teacher who teaches him art. 

'Tachibana- _sensei,_ have you ever liked someone?' Such question made him freeze, making him lock his eyes at him with surprise. Never did once Haru asked anything about for that matter—which made him shocked when the question went out from his mouth. Hiding, he smiled. 'Yes, I do. Why you ask?'

'How does it feel falling for someone?'

Makoto was hesitant to answer at first, but the overwhelming feelings that was tightening his chest was starting to take control of his body, making him pause for a moment.  _What is love_ —he tried to ring that question all over his mind as he tried and tried again.

'It feels like cherry blossoms falling down with the wind.' was the answer that insensibly came out from his mouth. He thought it was vague, knowing how miserable he feels past the time they were together, but the reaction from the one asking was different than he was expecting. 'Haru, did you fall in love?'

The obvious red flush on his cheeks that was on his shocked face was enough to confirm that it was indeed true—the teacher sighed in a manner he can hide his emotions, but just the thought of it hurts. 'So who is it?'

'I...do not wish to answer.' There was an itchy feeling stuck on the teacher's throat as the answer he received from Haru was a cliffhanger of a compelling story—but he doesn't know what to call it nor he does know how to deal with it. On the following days, he tried to look for an answer on his own question—who managed to get the eye of the boy? Was he beautiful? Does he treat him right? It was an irritating feeling, but when he tried reflecting, he managed to find an answer.

The feeling was desperation.

That particular feeling turned sour on his mouth the moment he finally realised what is going on—upon walking on the hallway one time, he managed to get a glimpse of the so called  _love_  that Haru kept on asking. To his surprise, it was another man—a student. Red, flashy hair that somehow managed to get in without being scolded; sharp eyes and a confident face—it was Matsuoka Rin, a student who happens to be in the same class as Haru was the man that the boy had been talking love to. The closeness; the unspoken affections and the affectionate glances from Haruka was clear enough for Makoto to realise that right from the start, he had no chance to begin with.

'So the one you like is Rin?' He had the courage to ask him the moment they met again for another lesson and he was right; the sudden blush on his cheeks when he heard was enough ad seeing it making him laugh to the point that it feels painful. The pain worsened when he smiled with such affection, holding his own sketchbook dearly with a reminiscing look on his face. 'Can I tell you something,  _Sensei_?'

Makoto doesn't want to listen anymore. It's enough—it's already painful and he could feel his heart straining and he is afraid he will not control his feelings if he listens more. But as delusional as he was, he forced himself to agree. 'Wha...what is it?'

The pain was melting him away as Haru smiled sheepishly, replying, 'I..I actually asked you teach me so that I can give him something.'

'That's cute.' He replied with a smile on his face, trying to mask the heart that is broken underneath. Such cute confession was enough to push his feelings to his limits, but he has to stop because it's his own responsibility—he is a teacher and he should support him no matter what, even if it will break him inside. 

At the end of the day, he's nothing but  _just_ Haru's English teacher. 

'So when will you give it to him?'

* * *

The pleasing colors of sakura met Makoto as he entered the school, with the lingering melancholy was written all over his face as he tried to hold back his emotions one more time as it will be finally over. It was finally Haruka's graduation ceremony, and finally—it would be the day he would forget him out of all the memories that he considered as beautiful.

The smile on Haruka's face was evident of euphoria, along with the faint flush on his cheeks as he gazed lovingly at the boy beside him—Rin. The teacher knew that it would be the moment that his heart would break, and it would be the same day where Haru would give himself to the person he loves the most. But like a father looking happily and satisfied with his child, Makoto could only smile bitterly once they announced that they finally leave being graduates...

...and as lovely nightmares for him.

Defeated by destiny, Makoto started walking, ignoring everyone who wanted to do something with him immediately. The more he thought about it, the more he realised these were all his delusions—yes, a delusion out of being lonely. All those empty seats that he shared and all those secrets he tried to hide were just making him feel that all of these were real.

'Tachibana- _sensei!_ '

He froze, surprised. It was the same voice that called him the first time they met—but now happier, livelier and lovelier. He wanted to stop himself from looking back in order to make him believe that everything was made out of loneliness, but how could he do that to the person that made him happy under the walls of his own insecurities? 

Looking back, he saw Haruka running around hand-in-hand with Rin. A huge smile was on his face as he held on the other two diplomas, while on the alleged lover the canvas the student wanted to give right from the start. Makoto smiled, masking the depressed face he had before. 'Oh, it's you two.'

'I want to thank you,  _sensei._ ' The boy bowed in front of him, making him shocked before laughing when he hit his boyfriend into doing the same. Even if the teacher realised that what he was doing isn't what he was, he still smiled. ' _Sensei,_ I like to thank you for giving me courage to confess to this guy.'

'I-it's no problem!' He replied, panicking as he feels like these two were giving gratitude like he was the Cupid who pierced their hearts with love. Both of them were blushing, and to his surprise, the red-haired boy bowed so low, shouting, 'I promise you,  _sensei,_ that I will never make Haruka cry!'

Makoto's eyes widened as he heard his promise, making him think with a breathtaking  _ah_ —so it was what he think he was. Such pure-hearted romance, like the cherry blossoms that fell into the wind. In that moment, he could feel the throbbing pain inside him. It wasn't the pain that made him sad, it's—it felt so satisfying that he almost cried.

He smiled with tears slowly coming out of his eyes.

_Haruka, I love you._

'I wish you happiness.'


	2. like the first time we met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he wasn't destined for his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru was 17 and Makoto was 24 by the time they met.

****What does one feel whenever they see the cherry blossoms fall and fly with the wind?

Do they feel warmth in such beautiful loneliness or do they ever fall in love with someone they will find under it?

Or do they feel pain from all the memories they tried to leave behind?

The cold wind was trying its best to bring out the falling petals and let them dance, frolicking all around in quiet somersaults in the month of April. Makoto lets his eyes wander around the same surroundings—letting them fall free into the scenery. Some things have changed quite bit—the little details; the climate; the buildings and even people that come and go—all of them have changed the past few years, but why does he feel like he is stuck on an eternal loop?

In the spring of April lies another loop of meeting different people, different students in the entrance ceremony that the teacher somehow got used in attending. Flashing a soft, gentle smile to everyone, he greeted them mindlessly, often forgetting the faces or the names of the people he had exchanged to, making him tired.

He stood outside for a moment, still gazing the beauty of them falling around. It somehow calmed him, with the people's faint chatter in the background and the twittering of the birds resting in the shades and the branches of trees. Beautiful—he thought of it again, not until he saw a figure standing in front of him.

'Tachibana- _sensei._ ' Makoto's heart palpated, with his eyes slowly moving to the person calling out his name tenderly. A hard smile appeared on his grimacing face—it was his reply to joyful smile of the student he once loved, underneath the nosediving _sakura_.

It was three years since then.

'Haruka?' Bewildered and lost, he did not move an inch, but instead let his own eyes see him in front of himself. Haru spoke nothing, but only look into his eyes with the teacher gazing on what he called was sadness. The shining of his eyes were implying that he was about to cry, and for a moment, he panicked. He doesn't know what to do with this sudden situation—it felt too fast for him. The genuine smile he had for a second made him happy, but he then realised that the student was just trying his best to smile in front of a teacher.  _He wanted_ _him to see only the fake happiness with the withering pain underneath. What could've happen to them before?_ Eyes averting, Makoto felt like there were feelings rushing all over him. He, as evil as it sounds, felt like an possessive lover seeing his other half coming back to him in defeat.

But isn't this what he wanted?

Didn't he wish for him to come in his sight again; to come in his life and to relive the memories and fantasies that were all in his mind from the very beginning?

A few days afterwards, they meet again.

Not as a teacher and a student of before.

Strangers.

It was a blind date composed of brokenhearted gay men on a fancy hotel at ....., with Makoto single-handedly written 'brokenhearted for 4 years' on that one form his friend gave him. In seemingly worn out but still presentable clothes, he sat down on one of the tables, unknown to the fact that there's a familiar person on his far east that he never wanted to meet.

It was the jet black-haired, blue-eyed Haruka.

Haru's eyes were wandering around the golden-lit room, along with unfamiliar strangers trying their best to fill the hole of his heart with their suggestive stares and inviting gestures. Dressed in a light-colored suit, he was slumped—lost, scared, anxious.

Everyone was having the time of lives meeting and giggling, but neither of the two had the slightest interest to everyone in the room, but not until it was their turn.

Widening eyes, palpating hearts, and growing awkwardness—the two looked at each other with such shock that slowly melted into shyness. Both of them were extremely blushing, almost aware of each's actions; the way their chests went up and down or on how the two would try their best on avoiding each other's eyes or even remembering their numbers—6 and 10. They were too shy—like a bunch of grade schoolers having a moment of their first love.

'N-never thought that I'd see your face again,  _sensei._ ' spoke Haru as his head was hung low, avoiding Makoto's flushing face. The teacher was speechless, but he tried his best of finding words to answer him—to answer why he was around this kind of event when he actually thought he was straight. An uncomfortable taste was on the tip of his tongue, but he managed to give a answer despite being hesitant. 'I... I d-didn't know I'd see you here, Haru.'

'I came here because I thought I would try to start anew after being with Rin.' Haru's hands were fidgeting in nervousness, but he was at the same time curious of what the teacher would ask him. ' _Sensei,_ I never thought...'

'Yeah, I'm sorry that I never told you about this.' He replied, giving a sad smile that frustrated the other. There was a rush of emotions over Makoto's body—rushing, he tried to speak again. 'There's something I have to tell you, Haru.'

'And that is?'

'I've been—'

_Clap!_

It was already time to change partners.

The whole night afterwards left a buzzing sensation on Makoto's hand as he thought of the moment he shared with Haru. With the confidence that he knew no source, he wrote Haru's number without hesitation, hoping for the chance to meet him again.

But alas, that the couple that matched wasn't them.

The teacher's heart was heavy in disappointment. He did not expect to see him again, or to even have a chance to be with him in a moment like this. He knew it was impossible for Haru to choose him since he was older, and that he was the only teacher close to his heart.

_Maybe he wasn't destined for his heart._

'Oh, wait.' The heaviness suddenly disappeared the moment those words were said, lighting up the whole room with anticipation. Everyone's eyes were already waiting for the numbers to pop up, and Makoto was no exception, with his fingers crossing tightly that he felt friction stinging his skin.

'Number.....'

Tighter. His chest tightened.

'Number.....6 and 10!'

* * *

'Tachibana- _san_!'

Makoto turned around. Hearing it from a voice so familiar seemed strange to him—it was Haru, who was now showing his huge grin while chasing him. This scene seems so wrong to him that it gave heaviness to the pit of his stomach, and he did not expect, out of all of his life, to see him again. Although he was feeling all euphoric—this is too much for him.

'Hearing you say my name formally feels weird.' He spoke the moment the man finally caught up with him, grasping his breath while clutching his heart. He knew it was too late but Makoto noticed how handsome Haru looked when he was in his suit, making him stare for a few moments before realising that he had been staring for too long and that he was starting to take notice. 'Is there anything on my face?'

'Nothing,' He replied whilst slowly averting his gaze to hide his flustered face. 'This feels so...wrong.'

'Why? Is it because we're once student and teacher?' Such question hit him too close to home for him, making him dodge it by walking. Haru did not say anything afterwards, and ended up being his partner in walking around the lonely, street lamp-lighted streets. They dragged their isolated souls filled with somber, hoping to get their hearts to calm down by the cold wind.

Haruka's heart was beating fast—it was a strange sensation that he never felt before.

Makoto's was beating even faster—he has to make a decision or else...

'Makoto- _san._ ' Haruka made another attempt to talk to the man beside him the moment they were going towards a park to find a bench. He then glanced at him, and saw how serene he was, along with that silent, reassuring line on his lips. It took a few seconds for him to answer, giving him a look of confusion. 'Hm?'

'Why did you choose me out of all those people?'

'You're the only one that I know out of all those.' He replied with a smile. But for him, that response wasn't enough. 'Is it really that?'

Makoto's eyes widened. But he then gestured to the empty bench before them, saying, 'Let us take a sit first.'

Haru at first didn't want to—he was eager to know it from his very mouth. But he then complied, seeing how his surprised expression changed to a calm one.

The park was still dark after being illuminated by the faint light of the moon, but it was not empty. The two souls sitting were unaware of how destiny bonded its red thread into their pinkies, desperately waiting for it to happen in front of her eyes. But one was in a state of doubt, sighing as he started. 'There was once a man who never knew what romance is.'

'It's not that he never felt love for all of his life—he had no interest in it. Never did those novels, those romance dramas, nor those songs gave him an answer to what it was, and no matter how much he searched for it, he was always in vain.'

'Cliche as it sounds, but under the falling  _sakura_  on the new wave of summer, he fell in love with someone. It was a man. He didn't want to bother knowing his name nor try to be his friend, but it was like fate that the one he loved went to him first. The more he knew about him, the more he fell in love with him—just like the cherry blossoms on that day. But like any other event, he also suffered the same fate as the flowers: when the reality was shoved into his face, the love that he always cherished and protected felt rotten—disgusting, unappealing.'

'The man he loved was also loving another man. He didn't want that man to hate him, so he decided to support them while still not giving up on the love. Even if the hope he only has was the thinnest of all the strings, he still clung to it. But that string finally teared the moment he saw his face—the man he loved, cherished and hoped for was already in his happiest with the one he also loved. Without saying anything; without showing the pain—he wished them happiness.'

Makoto was holding back his tears whilst sharing that ugly story in front of him. He opened his palms, which were tensed from him clenching too hard. He was a mess—all he wanted was a happy ending after that small miracle that happened, but why does he feel like shit? Why does he feel like he shouldn't be doing this?

Haruka, on the other hand, eagerly listened. Hearing him gave him a pang on his chest—he also shared a secret; a secret so shocking that he feared for it. He didn't want the world to judge him, so he kept his lips shut. But he was still curious: the words coming from his ex- _sensei_ were too suspicious, and unconsciously, he hoped that it was romantic—and that it was for him.

He's close to falling in.

'Is that the answer to my question?'

The teacher's body flinched and felt coldness more than the quiet wind blowing around them. The moment he looked into his innocent blue eyes, he realised that he should end this delusion of his. That he should give a closure for once and all.

He has to wake up from this fairytale-like dream of his.

'Yeah,' He smiled.

'Because I've always been in love with you,  _Haruka-san._ '

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I'm back with another MakoHaru angst fic. This is probably less angstier than my previous work and more shorter, probably. I deleted Foolish because,,,, it's not angst. Well, anyway, let's cry for this heartbroken teacher.


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